today at work a little girl and her dad came through my line and she picked up two things of altoids and she was like “daddy let’s get the same flavor! so when you’re in afghanistan i can eat mine and you can eat yours and we can be together!” and me and my cashier just stood there like DON’T CRY DON’T FUCKING CRY DON’T BE A BABY AND FUCKING CRY
and then they left and we fucking wailed like children
SNOWMAN:What do you do when it snows? Stay in or play?
Bitch you know I’m inside no matter what the weather is. I kinda want to make Calvin and Hobbes style snowmen but I never do.
TINSEL:Do you have any traditions at Christmas time?
I’m almost never able to sleep the night before. Even as an old man I still get excited.
And I always made sure that the tree was tall enough so that it can touch the ceiling. We always have a family gathering at my aunt’s house (it’s also her birthday), which means my generation gets to watch as my cousin’s 5 year old gets showered in gifts and we get stuck with “Oh, i found some cards in my attic. Here.”
Thankfully, the dog that bit me in the ass in that house is long gone.